The Impossible Test...

One of the most popular 'pomes' I've written in recent years, was this gem. The story behind it goes like this...my brother-in-law (Logan) came to me complaining about a pop quiz one of his teachers threw on him as a freshman in college. During the conversation, many times he mentioned just how 'impossible' it was...as he continued to 'vent', I kept laughing to myself as all of these questions kept popping into my head. A few days later I emailed him and said, 'You thought that test you had was impossible???? Try this one.' And the rest is history. I've had more requests for this one over the last few years than anything I've ever written. Read, enjoy, pass it on. Good luck!

PS- I couldn't think of a picture to put with this one...you will shortly see why.

The Impossible Test
Pop Quiz:

1. Can you eat my numbers?
2. Is this (Point to yourself.) a tarbotch? Define.
3. What is the square root of sausage? Show your work.
4. What is the distance between the bridge and my penguin?
5. Is the word hobetanstabert a noun?
6. Plipa-plipa ladenhat crash? True or False.
7. If Don is the customer, how often is his face smashed in?
8. Repeat this statement: “Blop, hickey belt, cletch, the dozen”. Unscramble and spell the word pilgrim.
9. Rubber Lips keeps sneezing. What’s the diagnosis?
10. Riddle: When can oysters be poisonous and make you itch?
11. Explain the coffin dance.
12. There are 27 swords in the river, Joey takes and eats 1 sword; then he eats a snake. Why?
13. Name the substance that is created when you mix: 6 hairs from the head of you grandmother, 8 gallons of mayonnaise, some Kool-Aid (Your own amount), 3 crushed almonds, and some (Up to, but not in excess of 100) stones. Is it a two celled organism?

Bonus: Try to replace your arm with a sandwich and live like that for a week…for 5 extra points on your final score.

Answers:

1. Trick question.
2. No. A stack of paper towels covered in dog’s blood.
3. Bickle. 3+3x-871(65)= yx(Charlie OshKosh)
4. It depends. Are we on Earth?
5. It’s made up. It means nothing. Nothing at all.
6. Nope.
7. Not sure what that means.
8. Unless can you spell “pilgrim” as opkelbz…it can’t be done.
9. Is Rubber Lips a guy’s name? Is he human? Is he an object? …I’d say the roach disease.
10. When they are covered with anything poisonous and poison ivy on top. But you have to eat it.
11. Where you grab your face and throw it back in forth, while playing a banjo…oh, you have to be dancing too. Dancing like your hula-hooping.
12. This is one of the all-time mysteries.
13. Turtleboxingstick; X-Ray vision juice. No it is not an organism at all and I’ve NEVER turned invisible from consuming it.